so i had a trial at the club where my dad works last night and got a phone call tonight offering me a job and giving me my roster so yay!!!

The head chef saw that i have food prep experience and that i had started my chefs apprentiship and wants to get me out in the kitchens..... no matter how many times i say nonono i am really really happy just washing dishes. For starters its at least double the money i would be getting if i went back to my apprentiship, and if i were doing kitchen hand work, while still the same pay rate its more responsibillity and more of a chance for me to fuck it up and get something wrong.

I mean this was the whole point of me applying for a dish pig job in the first place i really dont want any responsibility at all. I just want to be able to rock out in my own little corner of the kitchen and not have to worry about anthing except keeping the chefs in clean dishes. Not looking like i have much of a choice though, maybe i should not have worked so hard at my trial shift, my dad says the bosses were really impressed with me and my work and said i would be wasted washing dishes and thats why they want to get me out in the kitchens.

I know i really should take this as a compliment like its intended but yeah.

so my daughter left on saturday i spoke ti her today she says she is having a really fun time with her dad so thats really great. I am really enjoying the lack of responsibility i have had for the last few days. my life now consisits of spending the days at the beach and drinking with my dad or working the night shift in the kitchen, its fanfuckingtastic!

RULES:
1. Compose a list of your top ten sexiest famous men.
2. Collect one picture of each guy on your list.
3. Post them in your journal/blog.

( ***drools*** )

or close enough anyway.

http://www.randominsults.net/

OK so some of the insults are just downright pathetic, but some of them are just sooo..... you can't help but imagine them coming out of anyone else's mouth!

Some examples:

* Have you considered suing your brain for lack of support?

* You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning ( I can just imagine him saying this to ronon)

* I'll never forget the first time we met _ although i'll keep trying ( Kavanaugh for sure)

* Your verbosity is exceeded only by your total stupidity

And other gems like that!

So i have decided i need a fucking therapist.

Not so bad right? i mean everyone's doing it these days. Its almost the new black. Except in my opinion black is still the new black.... or ya know vodka, but still.

It's just disappointing, having been in therapy from the age of 12 till 18 when i decided i didn't need it anymore cause i was a mother now and had to learn to deal with shit on my own, it's a little disheartening to realize that no, no i can't I'm still as much of a screw up as ever. And i could always go back on my meds, but apparently they don't mix well with alcohol so that's out too.

Sometimes i really miss my teenage years, yeah sure i was still just as screwed up as ever, but i was out there and i was living my life. Jesus back then i had a fuckin life, apposed to sitting around drinking vodka like water, chain smoking and waiting for something interesting to happen.

On the other hand, i have realized finally after years of angst that i can forgive my mother for being such a screw up. Hell how can i blame her when i'm just as much of a screw up as a mother myself?

So here i am weeks away from my daughter leaving for her dads, and wondering which scares me more, missing her; or realizing that i don't and figuring out what that says about me as a person.

Well my 6 month lease is almost up so suprise suprise i'm moving. Dunno what it is in me that just cant fucking stay put, stay somewhere longer than i have to, but part of me still somehow seems to stay optimistic and thinks hey, maybe this time it will stick.

The thing that will be diffeerent this time, is that my daughter wont be coming with me. She is off to live with her dad for 5 months this time, so its back to working for me. Wow can't wait actually, have been out of work for five years now, busy being a single mum, It'll be nice to get out there and interact with society again!

Ok ok so i'm totally fucking petrified of having to get out there again, but i think it will do me some good.

yeah or that could just be the vodka talking, eh either way its done, its decided, its happening in 4-6 weeks, and if it all turns to shit well at least i can count on vodka!

suck. they are absolute and utter hell.

In a family like mine noone really has anything to say to each other. Sure alcohol eases the path of conversation, but there is only so much you can drink and discuss untill the conversations degrade into accusations and bad memories of the past. However usually by the end of the night you are all so drunk that your hugging and crying and telling everyone just howmuch you love them, so things are all good the next morning till you hit the piss again. (start drinking again)

Then there is the impossible task of trying to find something to talk about with those members of your family who dont drink alcohol. With out that buffer between you, you can hear the fucking crickets chirping in the silence, and after 20 minutes of strained silence your either heading to bed at 8 o'clock at night (if you dont drink) or searching through the pantry for that bottle of vodka you know muct be hiding there, or heading down to the bottle shop to see if you can act sober enough to convince them to sell you some more.

and when the alchohol and dvd's run out well your really fucked, cause there is no buffer between you so fuck it all you head to the beach, at least you wont really have to talk to each other, except for those few family members that do actually get along.

So yeah as you might have guessed i am at a family reunion with nothing left to say to any one, so i am hiding out on the balcony chainsmoking, and asking myself two age old questions;
what time of the morning is it acceptable to start drinking again without looking like an alchoholic,
and do you really get more drunk faster if you drink through a straw.

In anawer to the first question there is a lot of debate on the forums, but i'm gonna go with, yes, yes it does, as i could find a doctor supporting this side of the argument, but not the other.

As for the first question, well, as much as i love coffee its just not cutting it anymore, and i can't hide out on the balcony blogging forever, so i figure fuck it, its it's 12 o'clock somewhere in the world, so i'm off to the fucking pub to drink my fucking vodka through a fucking straw!

procrastination is a beautiful thing isn't it?

There are many things that i should be doing right now, responsible adulty things that need to be done, but instead i am madly finishing off a beanie i am knitting, dancing madly to iggy pop and writing here. Namely i should be working out my weeks budget, sorting out bills, madly working on catching up in my science class as i have been off sick for the last three weeks, setting up my salinity experement for said science class, cleaning my house for my upcoming rental inspection and other such boring things.

however today procrastination seems to be my middle name and i am loving it.

for my next knitting venture i have decided that i will be making some new tea towels as i have been saying for the last 3 months that i wanted some, but other projects have gotten in the way. I would love to make some with skulls, however as my intarsia skills still suck donkey balls i am thinking of making one in the feather and fan stitch, mostly black with some turquoise thrown in.

I am also planning my pieces for my english portfolio. while i should be concentrating on science, my mind keeps going back to my portfolio, and just how many of my writing pieeces i can link back to stargate atlantis and slash fanfiction lol. Hopefully i wont give my teacher a heart attack with some of the stuff i am thinking of putting in there, but well, in this day and age everyone is pretty open minded arent they?

life can get real hard sometimes, ask any one..... especially a single mother.

there are many ways to deal with the mind numbing trudge through pain and suffering with the occasional high note of not sucking that is life.

Some people drink, some people have sex with random strangers, and some people throw themselves out of panes with an itty bit of fabric the only thing thing saving them from ending up as a little puddle of red goo when they land (but seriously fuck that!).

and others turn to religion and pray. I had a line of the serenity prayer going through my head as i was on the phone battling with the bank so when i got off i just had to go look it up. This is what i found.

~The serenity prayer~

"God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference."

well this is all well and good, but no matter how many times i say this it really doesnt help, so i decided that i needed to rewrite it. And this is the result.

~the single mothers prayer~
"God grant me some money to pay the bills and keep the debt collectors away,
A house that keeps the wind out and isn't falling down,
and a kid who cleans their fucking room"